Focus until it hurts

First things first: one more semester of school done! Two more to go. That is more frightening than it should be.

Ok, I know not a whole lot of people read my blog, which is probably good. Once in a while I can just have a more journal-ish entry and not feel too bad that I'm boring people TO DEATH. After all, one of the reasons I started this is because I'm terrible at keeping an actual journal. So if you're reading this, bear with me this once, k? K.

I've got a lot of things happening lately, like most college students. My summer will be a bit different than most, though. I'm not going back "home" (Alaska will always be a home, but right now it's not where I belong. And it probably won't be for a few years at least). I'm not going overseas either. I'm staying in my college town and hopefully working a job that pays more than minimum wage. I stayed last summer too. When I first starting thinking about this summer, and remembering last summer, I was stressed and bummed for a number of reasons. Most of my friends are gone already. Basically all I did last summer was try to survive. I worked and I went home and did not much of anything.

So in my finals-week sleep deprived state, I thought about important things. DON'T EVER DO THIS WITHOUT SLEEP IT'S HORRIBLE. I thought: I actually probably have more reasons to dread this summer. I have considerably less money than ever before. I have the pressure of creating an art portfolio worth something before the start of next semester. A person I'm just getting to know is going to be leaving the country for a few months, which will most likely make me more of a nervous wreck than I already am.

Then I got some sleep. I haven't really gotten a whole lot of sleep all semester, so this was even more fantastic sleep than normal, despite the fact I woke up at 6AM on my own. Stupid brain. SO with this new refreshed outlook, I thought about the summer again, and tried to organize and plan in my head. I started to find positive things. I will find work, I'm sure. I've lived off of next to nothing for quite some time now, so I shouldn't even have worried about that in the first place. Besides work I won't have much I HAVE to do, and no friends to distract me, so I can spend plenty of time building art skills and a portfolio, and then by golly I will show the people that doubt me! Also I'll have time to run and exercise, and be able to plan out good meals instead of Red Baron frozen pizzas all the time. I'll still worry whether I'm handling the fledgling relationship properly, especially long-distance, but I will always worry about that to some degree. I guess I can just do my best there, and hope to goodness there are no attractive young men within 100 miles of her, right?


I have a point here. I could look at these next few months with two different outlooks. A year or so ago, I probably would have been the pessimist and just put on my mask of apathy and/or grumpiness and just struggled through it. Luckily I've made some improvements to how I view things since then. I can start to see the potential for this summer. It doesn't mean I'm not still nervous about a few things, but overall I'm excited! I get to shape parts of my life, things that would be a lot more difficult to do in many other situations.

Every clouds have silver linings, but you're not forced to see them. You have to look.

Dragons, robots, and girls

Well! I have been busy this semester. Today was something I've been working hard towards all semester: Foundation Review.

SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM TO SKIP RANT AND SEE COOL THINGS

As art majors at SUU, we have to pass a "skill check" of sorts in order to be accepted into whatever BA or BFA program we want. Basically we bring in work from all of our studio art classes, stick it on a piece of wall with all of the other potentials, and leave while a panel of professors scrutinize and decide whether or not we're cut out for our particular major. This is supposed to happen in our sophomore year. I have a couple of teeny tiny rants about this.

1) The art department doesn't prep you for this at all. In fact, the very first time I ever heard of it was a week before it was supposed to happen an entire semester after I could have applied the first time! How hard would it be to have a little meeting once at the start of each semester with new art majors and tell them about it? This would prevent students from throwing away artwork they'll need later. It would also set a clear checkpoint in their schooling for them to look forward to and prepare for.

2) The information they DO eventually give you about the review is misleading. "Bring at least 3 pieces of artwork from each studio art class you've taken, up to a total of 20." Wait, okay...do you want to see crappy work from every class, even if it means you can't put more than 3 pieces from another class that you have better work? I still don't know. The opinion of each professor is different from every other, and also is different from the Art Department Head. They also COMPLETELY NEGLECT to inform you in this info packet that your art is supposed to all be printed out and matted nicely, and that presentation counts. You learn that when you show up.

3) The venue is terrible. You have a choice: a small piece of painted wall that you can't put pins into and doesn't let wall tack stick, or a small piece of wall covered in fabric-wrapped cushion that is like a corkboard, if corkboards didn't work at all. They provide tacks, but they are the ugly kind that could kill a small child.

More people are killed by T-pins each year than by sharks. True Story.

4) There are hidden requirements. My first time around I was rejected. The letter I received told me I didn't get in BUT NOT WHY. I asked my professor (head of the Illustration department, and a huge determining factor) and he didn't know. None of the other students knew. In fact, everybody I talked to was as confused about it as I was.The second time I was also rejected. This time I was given reasons.
~ I need to keep a sketchbook. This is bull, since I DID keep a bright orange sketchbook that I took with me everywhere and both professors saw on a regular basis.
~ I need to attend Wednesday night open drawing. Also bull. This is not a class, not a club, just a few people who informally gather every week and draw. Nobody ever said it was required to get into the BFA program. Besides, I worked many Wednesdays that semester. And I knew several people who got into the program and never went to open drawing ever.

Well, I have learned from all of the above, and have talked to the Art Department Head to try to get things changed a little. A heads-up at the start of every semester for people new to the major. A little bit better explanation in the info letter. It hasn't worked though...I happen to go in and ask this semester, and found out that the review was 5 days away. I hadn't received any email or heard any announcements; the secretary said I should have read the posters they put up. On the boards around the school that have about 900 other posters on them. That I don't even walk by, and most people don't bother reading. Then they sent out emails TWO DAYS before the review, essentially giving us (by the time we get home to read the email) about a day and a few hours to prepare.

BLAH BLAH RANT RANT I could go on about this for quite a while. In any case, I feel good about my personal progress, and I got my art into the review and I feel good about it. Even if I don't get into the program again, I'm almost beyond caring. I know I'm improving quickly, I know I have a lot to work on, and nothing is going to stop me from pursuing this.

Now for arts!

You can also check out the rest of my stuff, including some nice shinies I've made recently, on my DeviantArt account here.

One more semester of school down. Two more to go (?). As an illustration major, you would think a semester of work would mean I have a lot of cool things to show! Well...I'm claiming this entire semester as one giant "artist's block." No matter how much time and effort I put into my projects, I could not seem to get any ideas to stick. There are a couple of things I feel ok-ish to show, and I will, but mostly I just got frustrated and didn't feel like my skills were improving much.

You know what though? It happens. We've just got to keep pushing ourselves, regularly re-evaluate what we are doing, and things will eventually even out. It still sucks while we have that "wall" in our lives though. Here are some of the things that have helped me get through my semester:

1) Look at where you were before. Sometimes we just don't see or remember the progress we've been making, because we're so intent on a higher goal. Give yourself a high-five for how far you've come!

2) Find somebody who has been successful at whatever thing you're having trouble with, and ask them/stalk info about the struggles they had getting to where they are now. If they can overcome their issues, so can you!

3) Monster. This is not for everybody. Sometimes you just have to pull a late night or an all-nighter. Find some food, drink, music, or whatever that will keep you awake and ALERT. The best is to have a friend nearby that you can stay up with (voluntarily or otherwise).

4) Try your hardest not to get too frustrated with yourself. I'm a perfectionist at heart with some things, so this is a tough one for me. Sometimes your best doesn't get you to your goal, but that is OK. Suck it up, take the consequences, and keep going forward. You will learn more this way, too! You can learn from failures just as much as successes.

Alright, here are just a couple things I've still managed to accomplish this semester, despite how frustrated I was getting.

A scene from the epic tale "Beowulf"

A boss from a computer game

An original character. She's obviously not finished,
but I only needed to have her this far for the
purposes of the class. I want to finish her up
and see about making a silicone mold and casting
more in resin.

Thanks for looking. You are dismissed.

Gotta start somewhere

Hello, and welcome to my blog for (presumably) the first time! This will be the place for things that are cool, inspiring, amazing, and other synonyms for those things! And as a bonus, I might even put things about myself once in a while. Don't you feel privileged? You should! And you're welcome.

First things first. This blog has (or will have) a purpose. I've kept journals in the past, with varying degrees of success. To me, they all seem either too whiny or too dry. "Today I did this, this, and this. Theeeeee end." Lame. I mean to aim higher, friends! And in the process of documenting various things, I hope to share some wonderful things you've never seen, heard, or otherwise known about.

Let me be completely honest for a second. I am a little tiny bit scared to death right now. I feel a little silly, and a lot unprotected. But who really cares, it's the internet! Nothing to be scared of! Right?
...
Right???

Ideas I have that you might see in future entries:
1) Commentary on how silly things are, and general feel-goods and smiley things
2) My art. I'm still a student and have a long way to go, but one point of this is to get over my fear of sharing my personal stuff. Yikes. Criticisms and suggestions welcome.
3) Intriguing questions that will hopefully incite some good banter
4) Swords. (If this confuses you, you don't know me well enough yet)
5) Other things! Who knows? It will be glorious!

Always feel free to ask me any questions, serious or silly, simple or complicated, random or thought-out, personal or...not personal?

That is all for now. You are dismissed.